Do you ever look back over your lief and notice things? I do. I tend to be rather introspective and for some reason I feel the need to share with all of you.
I always joke that I had real rough few years, when it comes to my looks, and I'm just now coming out of them. In a way it's kinda true. Not that my face has changed at all or anything, mostly how I view myself.
I never felt pretty growing up, I never was the pretty girl. I never learned about hair or makeup. in high school, I may have had a cover girl compact or two, but that was about it. My hair was my natural color, long and I never used conditioner. I just never knew how to do that stuff. I always looked at girls who could and envied them. Then I went off to college and and started cutting and coloring my hair and doing all sorts of crazy things too it. My lifelong love of body modification started. But I still didn't know what I was doing.
Five years ago I went through a divorce and started cosmetology school. I had to start dating again, and I got to spend all day long playing with hair and makeup. All those cool things that other girls knew how to do, I got to learn how to do to. It was so much fun. So my hair got bigger and bigger and my makeup got heavier and brighter. Pretty soon I was the only one in the grocery store with a five inch high pompadour and teal eyeshadow up to my eyebrows. But I loved it. Then I started working at Marios and discovered the beauty of custom blended mineral makeup. Perfectly blended to my skin tone. And I started getting real facials and using professional skin care. So everyday I wear full makeup. It makes my skin look flawless and I love it. For the first time in my life, I feel pretty. People tell me I'm pretty. My mom tells me I'm pretty. My husband tells me that I look great first thing in the morning with last nights makeup smeared across my face, but I'm pretty sure he's just saying that. I've grown my hair out and I love to curl it and it makes me feel pretty too.
So I start to feel l only look good with full hair and makeup. I mean, with my job, I have to wear makeup, it's not an option to throw my hair back in a ponytail and just go. Then I go on maternity leave. I tell myself that I'm still going to do my hair and makeup while on leave. I'm not going to just 'let myself go'. Ha! Who was I kidding. First off, I was so pale that first week after the blood loss, that my makeup wouldn't have matched even if I had wanted to put it on. Then I never really felt like putting it on. So the last six weeks I have worn makeup maybe 7 or 8 days. My hair has been in a ponytail 9 days out of 10. I have gone to meetings, dinner, lunch, coffee, church, everywhere with no makeup and a ponytail. Know what? I got pretty used to seeing myself fresh faced and clean. It's not bad. in fact, it's pretty good. I kinda like myself like this. It sure makes putting on makeup fun. It feels like a mask almost.
So I've spent the last six weeks being just a mom. Tomorrow I go back to work, now I'm a mom and a working woman again. The makeup and curling iron will come back out. But you know what? Now I'm just as comfortable without makeup as I am with it. I love all my faces. (And I love my dear friend Laura for all the facials.)
The beauty industry is so interesting to work in. The things we do to our bodies to enhance ourselves intrigues me. I hate that as women, we don't feel content being just natural, but I love the way we can make women feel amazing just by altering their hair color or adding some makeup. And in the end, I just love making women feel good about themselves.
I'm gonna see if I can find the original 'Confessions of a pretty girl' I wrote it a couple of years ago. I think it's about being a mother, the most beautiful thing I can imagine.